Sorry, Not Sorry.

​I don’t know how well you can see it, but I bought this “not sorry” necklace at a Rachel Hollis conference in Toronto before the world shut down and my world was shattered by the loss of my mum.

Since then, I’ve taken to crying in public places and answering honestly when people ask me how I am.

“I’m just okay”
“I’m having a rough week”

And guess what? I’m not sorry about it.

You may still catch me apologizing for welling up because I’ve had a lifetime of chronic apologizing I’m trying to shake myself of... But I’m not sorry.

I’m sad.
And that’s okay.
I have good days.
And that’s okay.
I have days when I just can’t cope,
and that’s okay too.

I’m thankful? Sure...

There are things I’m thankful for. My family, my close friends, my own health, my proximity to Victoria Park, my orchid that keeps on blooming...

I’m thankful for the memories of this time last year celebrating Thanksgiving at mum’s place on the lake. Despite all of us feeling in our guts that it was likely the last one, we smiled and laughed and took photos that I’ll hold dear for the rest of my life.

But there’s just one thing clouding my gratitude, you guys.

The sadness.

And, on a weekend where our country is gathering for the purpose of giving thanks, I’m not sorry for not joining in.

I’m gonna let myself feel the sadness.
And that’s okay.

I moderated a grief and mental health panel for CMHA mental illness awareness week this week and one of the panelists, Serena Lewis, said “grief is love.”

Well, ain’t that the truth. 🖤