I’ve told this story before. When I moved back home to Truro, I had very mixed feelings. Yes, I was going to be closer to my family and yes, I was moving in with my boyfriend at the time, now husband. But, in my mind, I was also "moving back home". Home to a place where I didn’t have a lot of fond memories. And home where I just couldn’t help but feel like I was taking a step backward.
But then I started to snap out of it. I realized that, in order to grow where I was now planted, I had to find a way to create my own community. So, I took the chip off my shoulder and I started putting myself out there. Rather than wallowing because I didn’t have any friends to make plans with in my old/new home town, I was going to find (or create) ways to make new connections.
And I did.
For awhile, I was actively creating the community that I wanted to live in. Through projects, events and fun collaborations, I became really proud of what I was able to create by simply starting a conversation and not being afraid to try something new. And I wasn’t expecting myself to do it alone.
And then I somehow lost all sight of it. Over time, I began to get caught up in politics and bitterness and feelings of judgement from others, irrational or otherwise. I wasn’t doing it consciously, of course; it was creeping up on me a little bit at a time behind-the-scenes. And I don’t even think I fully realized what was happening until I walked away from it all, took a few breaths, and gained some perspective.
I was focusing so closely on the negative that I forgot about that incredible community of people who (still) existed around me… I forgot that I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone by trying to do everything on my own. And I forgot that I have the capacity to be creative, to connect people, to build community.
The good news is: I’m rediscovering all of this now. It took reaching a breaking point, of sorts, to remind myself that, in order to be happy with where I am, I have to do the work... I have to go back to revisit some of those connections that I created before. I have to find ways to make new connections. And I have to take the time to reconsider some of those projects, events, and fun collaborations that will help to bring back my sense of community.
Look out, Truro. 🖤
As a mental health advocate, this blog is dedicated mostly to my experiences living with depression and anxiety.